She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
