HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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