her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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