There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
