Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
