hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
