it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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