Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
