Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
