oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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