Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
barbara walters just said penis...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
