i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
