David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
