I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
