I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
