I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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