Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
