he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
