He passed out mid-signature
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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