yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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