He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize