Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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