is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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