just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
