I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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