i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
