and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
