We tried having a conversation with our noses.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
