i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
MIDGETS
????
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
