did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
