I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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