It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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