new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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