im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
