soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
