Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
