he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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