new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
