worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
