During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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