Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize