Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
