Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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