True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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