The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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