It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
