Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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