So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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