Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He? As in you personified your dick?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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