Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
