"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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