Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize