they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize