i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
