Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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