Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
