hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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