my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
