My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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