Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
