she woke up with a sticky ear
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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