I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
