you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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