oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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