suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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