Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
