I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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