I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
