Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
