I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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