what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
