it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
