You just made me feel so damn special
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
